Tuesday, March 4, 2008

You Can Call This Entry Motivation

So today I realized something. (Or maybe it was last night, but if so I remembered it when I woke up. So that means it must be important.) I realized that I can't just hang out in this hotel and waste my fame and fortune. Though at this point my fortune consists of what I get by selling the room service I get for free to other customers in the hotel, and the occasionally hobo. (the word is spreading that you get room service for half price if you pay in cash in room 315.)

But I need to use my fame for something good. I'm the only person in the world who was the third person voted off this specific reality TV show. Crunch is one of a kind. So I'm going to take up a cause, and try to change things, like Bono, Puff Diddy, or the first lady.

I am officially announcing Crunch's March for Legalization.

That's right, I am using my fame to sponsor a march to legalize everyone's favorite smokable illegal substance. (and by substance, I mean plant.) We must rise up, and free Mary Jane from her cage of Tyranny and oppression.

Also we can get stoned as all get out. (and if you've ever partied with 'all get out' he is crazy stoner.)

this is how the march will work.

EVERY DAY I, Kyle, Crunch, (last name removed for privacy reasons) will represent you, my trusted fans, as I wake up and MARCH, not walk, from my bed to the bathroom. And take a piss on the proverbial face of our oppressors. (also in the toilet)

And I don't care how loud my marching is, or how many people's sleep I disturb at 1:30 in the afternoon as I crawl out of bed to the early morning rays of the sun. I will MARCH for legalization, and I hope you march with me.

(to clarify, I mean march with me in a rhetorical more abstract sense. I don't actually want you next to me that might get a bit awkward when I'm peeing at the end of the 20 second march.)

Signing out,

p.s. Today I wrapped a hot dog in a quesadilla. It was amazing.

p.p.s. Andy's in the room across the hall, I'm gonna go steal his My Little Pony dvd's again...

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Crunch Blog 2 - The Sequel

So today, Sufjan and I were talking about starting a band. I think that could be pretty cool. But I want to call our band "Crunchy Crunch and the Sufjan Bunch" and he wants to call it 'N.D. Roq' but he doesn't even know what the N.D. stands for. But I guess names really aren't the most important thing for a band. The most important thing is the music.

I jammed a bit on guitar, and I think we figured out how we want to sound. Kinda rocky, not too heavy, and with some sweet effects. Or as Sufjan said “Post-post-indie/alternative, pre-futuristic, talk-core/tech-rock!” (I don't know why, but Sufjan insisted upon the exclamation mark in the Genre description) I pointed out that there's no way that'd fit in the 'genre' column on iTunes, so maybe it'll just say Genre = Sweetness!

It could be fun, but I don't think it'd work out in the long run. For me it's all about the music. But I'm pretty sure Sufjan just wants to play coffee shops and not get famous.

- Crunch Out!

p.s. Lavender suggested that we call our band 'Delusions of Grandeur' I think that could be a pretty good name.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Crunch blog - issue 1

The Crunch-o-licious is back, and in interweb form.

I know many fans were sad when I got voted off, but don't be. As awesome as being on Housemates was, not being on Housemates is even better!

When I got voted off I was all sad, cause I figured I'd just cease to exist. Like everybody else who gets voted off a reality TV show. But then they're like “Okay, well we'll provide lodging for the rest of the duration of the show, unless you want to go home.” But I got into this whole Housemates thing to avoid paying rent in the first place, so now it's basically the same thing, except I don't have to do immunity challenges anymore! So I'm totally stoked!

Though I don't get to nail Kristen anymore either, but I always felt dirty knowing Matt had already been there anyway.

So anyway, I'm chillin in this hotel, which even has free cable. Speaking of which I finally saw Basic Instinct, and I kinda feel bad for that movie. Cause it doesn't really work these days anymore, anyone who's seen CSI is like 'they had sex, get a DNA sample, this movie would be over in 10 minutes.' Of course that only has enough reason to get Sharon Stone naked once.

But the hotel is sweet. Premium channels means that I get to catch up on movies. Plus some of the other Housemates stuck around too. Sufjan and I have chilled a couple times, though he always wants to cuddle. I'm not really into that. Which reminds me about the other sweet thing about being off Housemates. No more cameras.

Which means that I don't need to worry about getting caught... littering... or anything. Also I can finally stop making overly dramatic movements in hopes of my shots editing better than all the other Housemates. (Maybe I didn't win, but that was a good strategy.)

Oh, also... why didn't anyone tell me there was prize money involved? I totally would've tried to get along with people better if I had known that.

Anyway, there's a 'Tremors' marathon coming on the Sci-Fi channel in like 10 minutes. So I'm gonna go grab myself some chips, order some pizza from room service, have a little me time, and enjoy the ride.

... I wonder if Lavender is around here somewhere.